No Margaret Cho

We have a little bird living with us now.

He or she is very friendly, but hasn't sung or said anything yet. Favourite activities so far include: napping, having it's neck rubbed, eating millet, trying to fly, and accidentally scratching people's skin. I've been playing music and whistling to try to encourage singing and talking... it's not working.

Also, we don't have a name for this bird. If you'd like to make suggestions then please go ahead. It's a bit weird just calling it "bird"... and "it".

The best laid plans

There's a long list of things that I am supposed to be doing today.

Instead of doing those things, I have been playing with the isupr8 app for iphone. And, in the spirit of taking things too far, I used it to make a 1940's news reel about my dog.

Thanks to my friend, Kate, for telling me about the app. Sorry to my neighbours for the 10 or so minutes I spent shouting into a cylinder to try to achieve an "old time radio" sound with my voice.... sigh.

History in the Baking

I am lucky enough to be friends with quite a few people who like to bake.

One of them has a blog about baking - although, it really needs some attention, so if you want to nag her about it then this is her twitter account. Tell her I sent you. Another of my baking buddies, despite going through a health and fitness phase (jebus, let it be a phase), probably makes the best cupcakes OF ALL TIME, this is her blog.

Here is my attempt at baking.

It is probably the first and last attempt (I am ignoring the great chocolate cake explosion of 1999).

Baking, I don't get it. Where is the chopping? Where is the seasoning? Where is the... wine? I could probably legitimately drink dessert wine while I bake, but that would more than likely lead to a Grease Megamix, owing to the fact that The Pink Ladies drank dessert wine at their sleepover.

Focus is Hrrrrrd

Sometimes I get distracted and I can't focus on anything serious. It's probably my new found not-feeling-like-absolute-crap-ness that's doing it and today my neighbourhood heard from me. A lot.

I promise that I am back on the ball now. If I haven't seen you in weeks, you're probably about to get a call.

Breathing again

Oh great. Now I have that Toni Braxton song stuck in my head. Oh... now you probably do too.

Sorry.

Anyway, my point is - I can breathe again. Without pain. Woo!

I decided to take a couple of days off and go into lockdown, cause working was not healing... and people were starting to yell at me about how I need rest. I didn't think doctors were supposed to swear, but they do. So, I have been doing some writing and illustrating. I have not been this happy in months.

This is a little flip book I made for a friend.

Today I am working on illustrations for a book I've had in my head for almost a year. If I could get paid to write and draw I would probably be almost completely happy.

Left 2 Die

Last night I played 'Left 4 Dead 2', online. Oh yes, I am a nerd. Hi.

I was fairly excited about the character I got to play. A sassy chick with guns who seems to be sporting a Depeche Mode tshirt? Yes please.

She said cool things, like "This some crazy shit" and "Girl, shoulda stayed home" and even when I let her get attacked by chargers and jockeys (types of zombies), she was all "In case anyone was wondering, I'm probably about to die"... ahahahaha, I would totally say that too.

But then, when she was actually dying, she started crying and saying "help". B-word please.

She made me look like a p*ssy in front of my friends on the internet. Only I am allowed to do that. All the other characters were just sighing about their impending death in a really masculine way, while my character flipped through healing packs and axes, and cried. I'm pretty sure I saw a zombie roll it's eye socket.

Of course, this only serves to fuel my obsession. Now I am going to play this game till I have square eyes and rickets. That'll learn'em!

Oh, Ramone.

Okay. It has been brought to my attention that I maaay have been acting just a little bit weird in the last week, or so. And, looking through my phone, it appears that... yes, I definitely was.

I'm sorry.

I'm fairly sorry.

Turns out that I just can't handle my phenylenylephredine, or whatevs. I also can't handle complete bed rest and limited human contact. Lesson learned.

What a conundrum

It's Monday morning and, after a full weekend of boring rest, I'm just trying to figure out 1). why I am not better yet 2). why I am out of bed, and 3). how I am going to speak to clients when my voice sounds like this...

Let this be a lesson to you, watching True Blood can make you sound a bit like Kathleen Turner. But not the hot 'Romancing the Stone' Kathleen Turner... oh no.

Also, the amount of drugs I am on so that I can do things like "breathe" and "not hurt" has sort of got me tripping balls. Many of my friends can attest to this... I am sorry for the messages, everyone.

Nature's Winners

Things I will miss about this house include: Seeing ducks in the backyard.

Time Management

My life is a bit of a clustercuddle at the moment. I'm definitely going to have to re-prioritise some things. If I manage to do it, I could be spending one day a week with this fearless, intelligent, beautiful little person.

She and her sister seriously own my heart, so I am really going to have to make some changes.

The first change to be made is learning to say "No" to things. That way I will be able to say "Yes" to more things that are actually important. Like friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, and work. It doesn't matter - but work is definitely last.

Everything is difficult

Except crying about nothing, apparently.

Yes, I have the flu. Along with about 40% of the population of Sydney, it seems. What started out last night as a sore throat, mild aches, and a more pronounced pout that usual...

... has now progressed into a complete inability to do anything except shuffle around, sniffing. Then I remember that it hurts to sniff and I have to sit down for a while.

It's a treat for all concerned. I just stood in the kitchen whimpering because "toast is scratchy" and wondering if I have ever known how to make porridge. My conclusion is that I haven't. It's a mystery meal. And so, I have come to the internet for advice. Tute on, internet.

                                                                                                                         

Edit: Naaaaiiiiiiled it.
#cookingata4thgradelevel

Take off your coat

Just handled a client interview. Like a bowse.

People like to talk about themselves and I have no objection to listening. If only I had been able to grasp this when I was working for NR... I would have had no trouble chalking up 6 hours of call time a day. Ah, precious memories.

Meanwhile, this song has been in my head all freaking day.

 

It has also been coming out of my mouth all freaking day - quite loudly - despite the fact I am getting the flu. I'm so super-psyched about it! I'm all achy and grumpy. Woo!

Peacocking

This week is not shaping up to be The Best One Ever. If I'm honest, I just wish I was back in the wilderness. There were animals there. Also, there was vodka.

One of our friends, from Camp Awesome

Oh, that's right. I always feel like this after a holiday. Wow. That's a downer.

A few words about Camp Awesome

Just spent a couple of days in the wilderness. I can't remember exactly where. There was a river. 

Guess what I spent most of my time doing? Yes, drinking, smartass. After that? Yup. Taking and talking about photos. You win a shiny donkey.

Happiness

  

                                                                                                                               Would you please do yourself a favour and follow this recipe?

Get some Alpen Blend drinking chocolate in your mug, mix in some honey, gently introduce hot milk.


This was suggested to me by Ashleigh Synnott and it has pretty much changed my life.

One giant leap

Thanks to Google+, for the first time in about 4 years, I have backed up all my iphone photos on my mac and deleted them from my iphone. "Big deal," you might say. Well, in response, can I just encourage you to  put a lid on the sass talk? I like having photos on my phone, okay? It was like saying "Goodbye" to 1765 babies, for me. So... sit on it.

Now my camera app takes less than 0.3 of a second to open up. This is a win. For me. It's possibly less winning for my friends and the public at large.

xoxo    Shutterbug McSnapsnot

It's not you. It's me.

Soon I will be moving back over to the proper side of the bridge. This is very excellent news, aside from the fact that I'll need to break it gently to some people. Including this person, who is going to be heartbroken.

Substance abuse

Not having to get up and catch a bus every morning is such a wonderful thing. 

The new schedule is messing with me ever-so-slightly, though. The fact that I am drinking a lot more coffee and checking work emails at 3am could be contributing factors - but as I am not a science doctor, it's probably better if I don't think about it.

If I can find a balance between chasing the dog around the yard and sitting at my computer, singing a song I have entitled 'This is borrring', it will be a great thing.

The Little Things

I miss two things about working in an office. 1. Meeting Brooke (and on awesome occasions, Bec too) for coffee every morning. 2. Having coffee made for me every morning. (quite often more than once)

Now I have to make it my darn self. Like this.

Apart from missing Bec and Brooke, working from home is a-okay.

Selective active listening

When people tell me that they don't want their photo taken, I don't listen. Unless I am not the one taking the photo. In that case, I am all ears.

Photograph by Crystal Silvester

Drinking is good

Well, it's the end of my first week working from home. I haven't gone crazy yet. 

I mean, sure, I have been singing to the dog and bugging a lot of people... but, I still have all my hair.

Oh. I've moved my computer and phone out into my back room.

Now I am closer to the kitchen, which makes it a lot easier to maintain my almost Bukowskian levels of beverage consumption. It's much colder out here though. This means I have had to start adding coffee to my whiskey.

Speaking of... it's time for Friday afternoon drinks!

Office romance

A courier came to the door this morning. I think there was something between us. Did he really need me to sign for the package, or was that just some kind of ruse? Well. We'll never know because when I made a joke about packages, he started to back away.

Okay, today is my "busy day" so I'd better get back to it.

Wilson. Wilson, I'm sorry!

If there is one thing I have learned in my one-and-a-half days as a professional "work at homo" it is that you have to stay busy and social, or you'll go nuts. That's why this morning I made friends with a possum in my front yard.

Initially, I named him Claude. But now he has run away, so I have changed his name to Wilson in honour of 'Castaway'. I have never seen that movie, but I am pretty sure it's about Tom Hanks bonding with, and then ultimately betraying, a volleyball in some way. I would rather not know the details.

The people at WIRES have asked me to stop calling them.